The First Time I Saw Your Face
by Crystallinee
Summary: Bella spends time with her beloved daughter. As she prepares Renesmee for her wedding with Jacob, she gets a lot of mother feelings. She thinks about past times and how quickly Nessie grew up. If she only had more time...


**The First Time I Saw Your Face  
**

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I still can't understand how quickly it all went. One day I was married, and now, only a couple of years later, I will see my own child go through the same thing. It's kind of strange how fast life can pass by.

"Mom, are you coming up? Can you help me choose a wedding dress? Alice bought a ton of them…" Renesmee was eager. Sometimes she was like a copy of her aunts.

"I'll try," I smiled. "But you know that I'm not so good at that clothes-thing."

She laughed. "I still need your opinion." She hurried up the stairs and I followed. I could feel Alice's gaze in my back – what she would do if I refused.

I groaned inwardly when I saw the amount of boxes and piles with clothes. Carlisle, Edward, Emmet and Jasper were all gone, preparing stuff for the wedding. No one could save me from this.

But my daughter had already decided what she wanted to try. I followed her into her room – her second room – as she untied her thick bronze-coloured hair and began to put on the dress.

I watched with a feeling of sentimentality. It reminded me of the preparations for my own wedding with Edward, the dress Alice forced me to wear and how I nearly drowned in all flowers, silky ribbons and balloons. And then everything went so quickly. Old memories were surfacing my mind.

xxx

It was bedtime for our daughter. Edward was out hunting with his brothers so I took Renesmee to the cottage by myself. She crawled into her bed – we had to remove the crib rather quickly – and we proceeded with our ordinary routine of reading a bed-story. She was reading and I, the adult, was listening. She grew so quickly and her pronunciation was perfect.

When we had finished the story I hugged her goodnight.

"Mom, what will happen to us? Why did Jasper and Alice leave us?" Nessie's face was worried.

She understood so much. She was concerned as well.

"They will come back," I said, though I was not sure myself. "They're away for a while. Don't worry - I would never let anyone hurt you", I said.

Renesmee seemed calmer now, but the little troubled wrinkle between her eyebrows wouldn't go away.  
I wanted to pretend as if everything was normal, to make it easier for her. I hugged my daughter and sang quietly for her as she fell asleep. Renesmee's face was happy and relaxed, one of her hands held on to my arm.

My beautiful child. _My child, you who was living in the deepest rooms of my body and mind, waiting to surface. _I bent down and gently kissed her cheek, saw her smile in her sleep.

xxx

Now she was standing in front of me with a blissful smile on her beautiful features. She was was wearing one of the dresses Alice had bought and her long curly red hair fell down her shoulders.

She was a true beauty, our daughter. She had grown so fast, literally. The few years in her childhood had been so happy, but I wished it could have lasted longer. I had to remind myself that she was a grown-up woman now.

And she was going to marry my best friend. I was happy for both her and Jake's sake. I knew they would be happy together... but it had been hard for me to accept at first. I am her mother, so it was naturally to doubt. Was Jacob worthy of being hers? Now I know that they will fit perfectly together. We can all be a family.

"What do you think, mom?" Renesmee asked me and turned around so I could see from every angle.

"Wonderful," I said. "But ..."

"That was exactly what I was thinking", Alice said as she jumped into the room. "Lime green silk does not suit you, Nessie, I have bought this lovely white satin dress that will fit even better-"

She practically ripped the dress of my daughter in her eagerness to show the new clothes.

I sighed. Even as a immortal, I would never understand why my sister-in-law had such a passion for clothes. Alice caught my eye and glared at me. "Don't go thinking you can escape, Bella. I've bought something for you as well." She grinned upon seeing my horrified facial expression.

"I helped her choose it", Renesmee smiled. "You'll look great in it, mom."

I watched as the frilly veil fell down her pale shoulders gracefully. This new dress was moderne but really suitting. Even I could admit that, even if I never would say it out loud. Alice smiled proudly as she admired her work with Nessie's dress.

"And now it's your turn, Bella..." I didn't protest as she dragged me with her to her room and held up another dress in front of me. I didn't saw it right then. In my mind, I was back in the first day I got to see my daughter with my new eyes.

xxxx

I was standing there close to the large window, holding my baby in my arms. She had just fallen asleep. I was holding one of her chubby little hands to my cheek and watched her dreams.

So long I had fought for her, to keep her alive. And now she was here. The future was still unsecure but I didn't care right then. She was with me now, that was all that mattered.

Outside the window the sky was deep blue and some stars glistened there. The big, round moon shone down upon us. I looked at my child, her innocence and tenderness. It was her I fought for all the time. She was the reason I was born. To carry the child of the love of my life. My heart swelled.

She had a whole life in front of her. So many things she could do, that I and the other vampires wasn't able to.

I thought about all the hard times, when I gave birth to her, how I almost lost my life. It didn't matter though, I would gladly have died instead of her. I couldn't get enough of looking at her. She was perfect, so similar to Edward. She was a little angel in my arms. Renesmee smiled in her sleep and suddenly I felt the urge to cry. But my eyes couldn't cry anymore. I wished I could sometimes.

I remembered my last human memories:

"Give... give her to me..." My voice was hardly audible, cracked from the blood loss.  
Edward handed me my child. I was bleeding, my body was crushed from the inside and on the verge of dying, but I still had the strength to smile.

When I held her in my arms for the first time, my little nudger, my whole world changed. I finally knew how true happiness felt. Later she showed me how I looked in that fateful moment. Although the black circles under my eyes and my blood-stained face made me look horrible, I smiled.

My smile had filled Renesmee's senses. I was glad that I was able to give her some kind of comfort in that stressed and terrible first moment of her life. That I could make her feel safe.

I stood with my daugther in my arms and looked at the full moon, rocking her slightly. I loved her so much. My little nudger. She was sleeping safely in my embrace and I kissed her forehead.

It felt like I was crying, anyway.

xxx

I didn't return to the room I was in until Alice impatiently snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Earth to Bella! Tell me now, what do you think?"

I realized that I was dressed in a blood-red dress of silk that swirled around my feet.

"Eh... It's nice?" I tried. My sister-in-law wasn't fooled but I couldn't care less at that moment.

In the reflection of the mirror I could see my daughter and Jake standing in the doorway. I turned around and walked over to them.

"Long time no see," Jacob greeted me. "You look great by the way, Bella."

We shared a hug and I was once again reminded of how lucky I was to still have him as a friend.

Renesmee was still dressed in the white wedding dress. She looked absolutely gorgeous. Jake was holding her hand and they smiled to each other.

"I can't understand that it went so fast," I mumbled. "The other day you were just my little baby..." I didn't know why I felt so sentimental all of a sudden.

Renesmee didn't scold me out of embarrassment as most teenagers would, she just hugged me tightly. "We won't be far away, mom."

She was just seven human years old, but her body and mind were both adult. A young adult, a blossoming flower.

"We're going to practice for the ceremony now," Jacob told me. "Feel free to watch." He smiled one of his carefree smiles and I returned it. I watched him turn around and the fiancees walked down. He had a gentle hold of Renesmees elbow and supported her as they went. My clumsy best friend had turned into a gentleman, at last.

I saw Alice, she was smiling as if she too got caught in the moment. "She surely grew fast..." she mumbled before she swiftly slipped out of the room. "I'm going to help them. Keep that dress on Bella and tell me what you think later!"

I sank down on Alice's and Jasper's perfectly made bed. I couldn't get it over with. It was so hard to imagine that my baby would get married, get own children in the future... I was happy that she could have it.

I looked at one of the pictures on the bedside table. I, Edward and our daughter sitting together on the porch in front of the Cullen house. We looked so happy, although we knew that Volturi maybe would kill us.

Suddenly I felt Edward's arm around my shoulders and we looked at the picture together. "She won't be far away from us", he reassured me. "And it's a good thing that she's marrying the dog..."

I snorted and burst out in laughter. "I can't believe that you're still calling him that!" I said. I felt much better now.

But in my mind I was still holding my little child in my arms, thinking about the first time I saw her face.

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Author's Note: What do you think? Please review!


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